Tuesday 13 November 2012

Monologues#2 Math Games

Assalamu alaikum~
Okay~
I'm soooooooooooo not in the mood!
AND it started in the morning already..
Didn't know it'll reach me until this evening!! TT^TT

I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW! *through here*
but I can't tell it to you personally..
I dunno how & why..
Maybe because I'm scared..
You'll not like me anymore..
I'm not good with words..
I try not to be tactful with you!
Since we're just getting to know each other..
I'm just good at explaining it to you virtually..
Since YOU CAN READ all what I'm saying..
Even though just scheming, it would do me fine..
As long as you understood what I want to say..
what I want you to know how I'm feeling..

I've been like this ever since!
I dunno how to control these feelings of *sulking*.
in tagalog, nagtatampo AKO!
It's hard! Whenever I felt this it's like no one's beside me!
No one's looking after me..
No one's there for me..
*in those short times..
I think of these..
It's like everything's over!
I just want to end this!
NO MORE!

I don't like being left ALONE!
coz that's what they've been doing to me..
for my past school years..
I dunno how.. or what went wrong..
*i'm referring the "THEY" to my schoolmates/classmates..

They're not really that curious about what I did today..
I'll just have to open up a conversation just to tell them what I did today..
Just so that I can let it out of myself..
But today I feel it's different..
Mom's been sick..
Both of my siblings..
Father is not really a good adviser for me..
I just dun wan to talk to them!
and this makes me feel HATRED!

I don't want to let others think that
I'm saying *my stories or randomness*
just because I want attention..
NO! NEVER! I always think of this..
That's why I don't talk much!

Since now I'm surrounding with people whom I talk
in english regularly.. My tongue is a bit exercised on talking english..
But then I must at the same time.. Learn Arabic..
Coz that's what they have here!
I can't come up to any people there in university,
coz I dunno how to communicate with them..
There might be a big misunderstanding if I didn't
say anything.. or I did something they didn't like..
But SERIOUSLY, it's them who's making it, me
not LIKE them..

Okay so it's really this..
Sorry I'm making a big deal in this small matter..
Sorry if I made any assumptions..
I didn't know coz you weren't talking to me~
You know what, you could've told me that you're going home..
What if your brother didn't tell you to come back inside..
and you would have left the university, without me letting know
that you're already out and didn't want to stay any longer..
I was there, waiting for you..
I wanted you to take my place for atleast 5 minutes only..
I wouldn't really want to take much of your time..
But since your there to be my help..
Okay~ I'll just stop until here!
I don't want to blab bad things anymore!
What's done is done..
There's nothing we can do about it..
"I sure do hope so.. It's just easy to say..
But hard when you do it.."

*I REALLY am feeling that I just took these last 4 sentences in a movie..
But it's all true~ I want to let it go!
I don't take grudge..
As long as it wasn't as bad as I had when I was in Grade 6!
That damn teacher! HMMPH!! Really I dunno why that until now
I still didn't like her~


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